Leila's marriage
Per Cathy T:
In lecture, Professor Schaub posed a question regarding the recent marriage of Leila and Mason. Leila is hesitant to tell her mother about quickly getting married in New York City instead of not having a formal ceremony with friends and family. Why do you think Leila doesn't tell her mother about her marriage? Is she afraid of how her mother would have responded? Is it possible that Leila is trying to move away from her Chinese culture and live in the modern American culture?
15 comments:
I think that Leila does want to move away from the obligations she feels toward her family. Throughout the book it seems that a constant theme is being caught between. Perhaps this is even why it was the middle sister who comit suicide. It seems that by doing it herself, she was able to own the marriage herself without the "bad luck" that her family seems caught up in.
By leila having a short ceremony away from her family she is distancing herself from her family's culture. If she had the marriage at home with her Chinese family and friends, it would have been done according to the Chinese culture. By not celebrating her marriage the way her Chinese family would have liked, she is moving away from her family and culture.
I think that Leila is trying to distance herself more from her mother than from Chinese culture. It is stated that Leila is afraid to tell her mother the wedding news, because her mother will become upset about her own life and her failures with marriage. "She loves Mason and she'd be happy for us, but she'd have to face her bitterness about her own marriages and that's what I wanted to protect her from" (12).
Maybe Leila wanted the memories of her wedding to be simple and pure, instead of having a large ceremony with her family, where everyone would discuss the loss of her sister. Also, maybe Leila felt she needed to give her mother more time to grieve the loss of Ona without making her have to worry about a wedding. And also Mah would have to think about her marriages and this would cause her more grief, as previously stated.
Leila is in the midst of a conflict between her desire for a life of integration (With Mason) and adhering to her family roots (Mah).
Leila distances herself from her mother, and yet makes every effort to retain her Chinese cultural traditions. In this manner, she is trying to please everyone and compromise.
I think she just doesn't want the drama of her mom's involvment in such an intimate aspect of her life. It's Leila's marriage, and she wants it to be her own. She already spends so much of her time taking care of her dysfunction and frustrating family. I don't think she should have necessarily gone and done it without telling anyone, but I think she was certainly justified in doing so.
I think Leila doesn't reveal the marriage because there is a both a mix a of fear of how her mother will react as well as a desire to distance herself from the frustration and sadness within her family. If Leila was interested in involving her family she would have certainly had some sort of enthusiasm for the sharing her happiness, but instead we see her will to keep her mother in the dark.
I believe that Leila is worried her mother will think she is trying to abandon her Chinese culture, and that she is ashamed of her family and her background. I don't necessarily believe that is what Leila is trying to do, but it would be difficult for her mother to understand where she is coming from.
Leila was hesitant to tell her mother because Mah may view this as a way that the last of her daughters escaped the family. With Ona dead and Nina living in New York, Leila is the only daughter left to have a relationship with, and Leila is afraid she may have ruined this by not including her mother in the wedding. I don't believe that Leila is necessarily trying to move away from her Chinese Culture as much as she is trying to live an independent life that doesn't revolve completely around Mah and Leon.
I believe that Leila doesn't want to tell her mother about her marriage because she doesn't want her mother to have to face the fact that Leila is moving away from the family and doesn't want to be the third daughter that left. I think she is afraid of how her mother will respond because her sudden marriage is very western and is in conflict with her culture, something that Leila is doing but doesn't want to face her mother about.
By not telling her mother she is trying to keep a distance between her and her culture. This is also shown in how Leila does it quickly and in New York. She doesn't want her culture and her family to be in it because she's trying to get away from the strict Chinese ways that she's always known. She probably doesn't want all of the drama of the family involved as well. Having a banquet, telling friends, family, and making a huge deal out of it. She just wanted something small and intimate.
I think that Leila not telling her mom about the marriage has a lot to do with averting the already existing reminders and stresses in her mothers life. The death of one daughter, the destruction of her marriage, and bearing another daughter who wishes to pull away from her culture are all heavy concepts to deal with in life, and I think that Leila is more about saving her mother grief than protecting herself in this case.
Leila is afraid her untraditional wedding will only upset her mother, who is one that sticks to her culture. She decides to keep it under wraps because she feels it will keep her family from splitting more apart. I don't think Leila wants to move away from her Chinese culture, rather I feel living in America has brought Leila to become more accustomed to American culture because she is much younger. It is less difficult for a young girl to grow up according to the life around you than it is to grow up in a country using foreign traditions, whereas it's harder for Leila's mother to let go of these traditions.
I think Leila doesn't want to upset her mother any more than she already is, she wants to keep whatever sanity that is in their relationship is intact.
Leila doesn't tell her mother about the marriage until she gets home because she has become independent. She has broken away from the norms of her culture; the humble woman. By not having a traditional Cantonese wedding, she is asserting her right to do what she wants with her life.
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